Need You Now
by Tracy-Lou
Summary: Brendan returns from Ireland following Lynsey's death and turns to Ste for comfort.


Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, they belong to Hollyoaks!

Summary: Brendan returns from Ireland following Lynsey's death and turns to Ste for comfort.

Need You Now

Ste had found himself feeling lost since he'd sent Brendan and Cheryl away in a taxi a few days before. He and Doug weren't speaking much after their argument and Ste almost felt like he wanted to leave it alone, lest he became more aggravated. He felt bad of course; Doug was hurting too, but there was just something inside Ste right now that felt like he needed to be there for the Brady's.

Cheryl's pain was clear for all to see and Ste had always felt a special bond with her, even after he'd stopped working at Chez Chez. With Brendan it was obviously much more complicated. A few short weeks ago he had wanted nothing to do with him; especially after the stunt with the flat. But seeing his pain over Lynsey's death had triggered something inside Ste he had thought was long buried.

With Brendan heaving and sobbing in his arms, he'd actually felt his own chest ache, like Brendan's pain was his own. He should have known then that something was terribly wrong. When they spoke afterwards, it wasn't the same. Brendan was softer, quieter. Ste simply wanted to help him; he didn't read too much into it beyond that.

He had kept in contact in Cheryl since they'd left. She hadn't said much, just the odd text to let him know things were okay, that it felt better being home. Ste had debated contacting Brendan but he really didn't know what to say. He typed out a million messages and deleted them all, feeling foolish. Eventually he had simply sent: _"Thinking of u" _and hoped that said all that needed to be said. Brendan had replied almost instantaneously: _"Thank you, Stephen". _He'd said that a few times lately. Brendan wasn't one to normally show gratitude and Ste felt rather stunned by the turn of events.

He knew he should be cautious; so many times he had believed Brendan could change and that things would be different only for reality to kick in. Something felt altered this time though and Ste wanted to explore it further.

As if by chance, Ste's phone buzzed. Brendan's name appeared like a beacon and Ste knew what it said before he'd even opened the message. _"Need you". _He pondered that for a moment, wondering how best to proceed. Should he ignore it? Because what did Brendan _need _from him? Was it simply comfort or something more? Ste hesitated; he'd just locked up the deli and Brendan's place was so close. But then so was Doug's… surely Ste should go and make it up with him instead? And yet somehow he knew where he would end up even before he was knocking on the blue door.

Brendan opened the door with a flourish, stepping aside for Ste to enter. He looked terrible. He'd been drinking and looked like he hadn't eaten a good meal in days. Ste couldn't believe he'd deteriorated this quickly and no one had noticed. He spotted Brendan's bag by the door that Ste had retrieved from Riley's himself. He hadn't been back long, then.

"Brendan…" Ste began hesitantly, reaching out to him.

"Stephen" Brendan collapsed onto him. Ste did his best to hold him upright but Brendan was much bigger than him, especially with his newly toned muscles he'd acquired since prison. He managed to get him to the sofa at least where he collapsed, his shirt riding up a little and exposing his stomach, dark hairs as pronounced as ever.

"When did you get back?" Ste asked, pushing his feet up onto the sofa.

"Few hours ago" Brendan replied wearily. "Joel's at Theresa's… the house was dark when I came in"

"You shouldn't have come back here alone" Ste scolded him, kneeling on the floor. Brendan lifted his head to eye him curiously.

"Worried about me?"

"Course I am!" Ste said, looking him directly in the eye. "I told you that before"

"Mm" Brendan said, lowering his head. "Ye got my message then?"

Ste thought he looked guarded. It wasn't like him to directly ask for help like that, he was far too proud normally.

"I did…" he began slowly. "What do you… need?" he asked lamely, his hands finding their way to his lap, clasping there. Brendan peered down at him.

"I don't trust myself to be alone"

"Brendan-" Ste said in some shock, rising.

"Don't fuss" Brendan said, waving his hand. "I just meant I haven't eaten properly or… slept" Brendan sighed. "I didn't know who else to call…"

"Right" Ste said, standing up completely. "You sit tight, I'll cook for you"

"I wasn't fishing for-"

"I know, I want to" Ste smiled tightly at him. "What do you fancy?"

Brendan looked him over and Ste felt himself blush.

"To eat" he reiterated then winced at the poor choice of words. "What _food_?"

By now he was red all over; he could feel the sensation creeping up his neck. Brendan didn't take his eyes off of him.

"Surprise me" he said, his voice low. Ste nodded briefly before rushing off to the kitchen.

As he busied himself in cooking for Brendan, he felt a presence behind him. Brendan was extremely close; Ste could practically feel his breath on the back of his neck.

"Smells good" he murmured. Ste didn't know if he meant him or the food. He thought it was best not to ask.

"Shouldn't be long" Ste said, stepping out of Brendan's way. He turned to face him, which was a mistake. Brendan was looking at him intently, his expression soft.

"Thank ye for coming over" he said quietly.

"Not like I had much better planned" Ste shrugged, trying to make light of it.

Brendan cocked his head to the side. "What about Douglas?"

"Oh" Ste fumbled for an excuse; Brendan seemed tensed for his answer. "He's with his flatmates" Ste lied. "You know, just them"

"They didn't want ye?" Brendan's eyes flashed a little, glancing towards the door as though he wanted to march round there and demand why.

"Oh no! You know, they're his friends, I haven't really got anything in common with them. Plus…" Ste hesitated. "I had ago at Texas recently"

"Ye did?"

"Yeah, about calling the press"

Brendan nodded. "And how did Douglas feel about ye having ago at his friend?"

"Can we not talk… about that?" Ste felt uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"Alright" Brendan said reasonably. He seemed to be forcing himself to quieten.

"How's Cheryl?" Ste asked quickly, changing the subject.

Brendan glanced down. "Not good… better than before but…"

"I can imagine" Ste looked away uncomfortably. "Listen, about Rae and everything-"

Brendan held up a hand to silence him. "Do we have to?"

"I just thought-"

"Stephen" Brendan rubbed tiredly at his eyes. "I didn't ask ye here for a long chat"

Ste's eyes widened in disbelief.

"No that came out wrong" Brendan said hastily. "I didn't mean… _that, _just I needed… I don't know… someone"

"You can admit that you needed me" Ste said quietly. Brendan looked at him in surprise.

"It doesn't make ye feel uncomfortable?"

"A little, but what are friends for, eh? If they aren't there in times of crisis"

"Friends" Brendan repeated, the word seeming bitter on his tongue.

"Yeah" Ste said awkwardly, shuffling from foot to foot.

"I guess that's more than I deserve" Brendan mumbled, startling Ste with his sincerity.

"Dinner's nearly done" Ste said, turning away from him to hide his expression.

"What we got?"

"We?" Ste asked in surprise.

"That's not all for me is it? I thought we'd eat together…" Brendan trailed off, bowing his head. "I shouldn't have assumed-"

"No, it's fine" Ste said a little shakily. "I haven't eaten actually. Just, I know with your appetite and everything…"

"It isn't the same right now" Brendan said. "But I'm sure if ye have cooked it, I'll enjoy it"

Ste nodded. "Sit down then and I'll dish it up"

Brendan did as he was told, sitting straight-backed at the table. Ste brought the two plates over, shaking his apron off when he realised he was still wearing it. Brendan caught it in his hand, his eyes glazing over.

"Lynsey's…"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know" Ste said quickly, mortified.

"It's fine… not like she'll need it anymore" Brendan said quietly. Ste sat down hastily, pushing a knife and fork in Brendan's direction.

"Eat" he pressed. "It's spaghetti, one of your favourites, right?"

"Yeah… yeah" Brendan said vaguely, twirling some around on his fork before placing it on his tongue. He groaned a little in satisfaction.

"Good?" Ste smiled.

Brendan nodded, pushing more and more into his mouth. Ste was pleased to see his appetite return. He picked at his own food for a while, feeling strange eating a meal alone with Brendan like this. Brendan glanced up at him and Ste had to stifle a laugh.

"What?" Brendan asked, his mouth twitching.

Ste sighed, leaning across the table to wipe the sauce from Brendan's moustache. "Silly" he murmured affectionately. "Anyone ever taught you how to use a napkin, hm?"

"Sorry, dear" Brendan said ironically. Ste felt an odd flutter in his stomach.

Soon enough Brendan had practically licked his plate clean. Ste finished his off shortly after, feeling satisfied.

"Good?"

Brendan nodded. "Ye should cook for me more often, Stephen" he said smoothly.

"You'll be lucky!" Ste laughed. "I've got enough on me plate"

"True" Brendan looked at him carefully. "Why are ye here, Stephen?" he asked suddenly.

"Because you asked me to" Ste answered, frowning.

"Ye could have said no, I'd have understood"

"Really?" Ste asked sceptically.

"I have no right to ask anything of ye"

Ste looked down awkwardly. "I meant what I said before, I'm worried about you"

"It shouldn't matter to ye"

Ste frowned at him. "Why?"

"Ye hate me" Brendan said bluntly, standing up and taking their plates to the sink. Ste followed him.

"You think that?"

"Can ye blame me?" Brendan countered, not turning around to face him.

"Can you blame _me_?"

Brendan's hands began to shake. Ste took a few steps backwards. The movement didn't go unnoticed by Brendan. He turned suddenly.

"I won't hurt ye, Stephen"

"I know" Ste said, clasping his hands. "Just… maybe this was a bad idea, coming here"

Brendan bowed his head, looking defeated. "Ye can go…"

"Will you be alright?"

Brendan nodded, his eyes still on the floor. Ste felt that odd ache in his chest again. He stepped forwards once more, slowly. "I could stay a little longer, if you wanted? Run you a bath or something?"

Brendan said nothing, remaining still.

"I'll do that" Ste said, nodding. "Then I can leave you to it" he might as well have been talking to himself, for all the reaction Brendan gave.

He went upstairs, walking the familiar path down the hallway to the bathroom. He turned on a few taps before looking for Brendan's shower gel, squeezing some in there to create bubbles. Wondering if he should wait up here for it to fill, Ste stepped out again into the hallway, hovering. He realised that Lynsey's bedroom door was open. He hadn't been there since he and Cheryl had came here with the police. Ste wondered if it was morbid to look inside a dead person's room. Curiosity eventually got the better of him.

It seemed the same as before, only stiller somehow. Lynsey's various personal belongings had been put in their usual place but Ste could see where the dust had been disturbed from the police search. He looked at a photo on the wall behind him of when Declan had come to visit. Brendan, Cheryl, Lynsey and Declan. Cheryl was cuddling Declan who was grinning sheepishly, Lynsey with her arms around Cheryl. Brendan hovered slightly in the background, smiling just a little. Ste couldn't remember the last time he had seen Brendan genuinely smile. He found himself tracing him in the picture with his fingers.

"Stephen?"

Brendan's voice made him jump; he almost knocked the picture off the wall.

"Sorry. I shouldn't-"

"It's okay" Brendan said quietly, not stepping inside the room. "Bath's full"

"Oh, alright" Ste hurried out of Lynsey's room to the bathroom. Brendan followed him several steps behind. Ste turned off the taps. When he turned around, Brendan was naked.

"Brendan!" Ste squeaked, much to his embarrassment.

"What? Ye have seen it all before, haven't ye?"

"Yeah but-"

Brendan moved past him. Ste found himself staring resolutely at his face. He was flushing again.

"Stephen, I think I've made ye blush"

"Shut up" Ste couldn't contain his smile. Brendan's mouth twitched a little and then he smiled too, and Ste thought it was perhaps the most wonderful sight he had ever seen. Somehow he launched himself at Brendan, wrapping his arms around his middle. "Are you okay?" he whispered, his fingers splayed against Brendan's back.

"I am now" Brendan murmured, pulling Ste apart from him and tilting his chin up to look at him. He moved in slowly, taking Ste's mouth as though it had always been his, and perhaps it had. Ste remembered their last kiss and how desperate he had been to pull away, knowing that eventually temptation would get the better of him. Right now nothing could have pulled him away, even when he began to feel Brendan's erection pressed against his leg.

Brendan fumbled at his clothes, shaking them off as though they were weightless. He pulled Ste, naked, into the bath, never breaking their kiss. It was awkward in the tub but Brendan pulled Ste on top of him, his hands running smoothly down his body to cup his buttocks. The extra wetness certainly helped speed things along. Ste hadn't been penetrated since their last time together so things were a little sore to begin with but Brendan was patient, even though his eyes and lips were wild with desire and delirium.

They came fast and together, the remnants of their activity swirling in the water before dissipating. Ste breathed heavily, wondering how he had gotten here again. Brendan wrapped his arms around him, his nose against Ste's hair.

"Please tell me that wasn't a pity fuck" Brendan murmured against him.

"Course not" Ste muttered, beginning to feel the weight of what he had done settle on his shoulders.

"Stop thinking" Brendan said, squeezing him. "Please"

"I can't…"

"Stay with me tonight" Brendan asked, kissing Ste's ear wetly.

"Brendan…"

"No just, sleep with me… that's all"

"Because we haven't done enough already?" Ste laughed hollowly.

"I don't know how to let ye go"

Ste didn't know if he meant now, in the bathtub, or if he meant in general. Perhaps both.

"Let's dry up first, yeah?"

Ste raised himself a little and for a moment he forgot the rest of the world. Brendan looked more content than he'd seen him in… forever. The weight had certainly lifted, at least for a moment. And Ste couldn't lie to himself, he felt right here. Scooping up a few leftover bubbles, he rubbed them in Brendan's face, making a beard.

"I never got to kiss the beard" he murmured, leaning forwards to kiss him softly.

"Ye have now" Brendan smiled a little, looking at Ste with nothing but devotion.

Ste looked away, feeling embarrassed. "I think you need to sleep"

"Ye will stay?"

Ste hesitated. "Amy…"

"Say ye are staying with-" Brendan cut off his thought.

Ste looked away, feeling that dread settle on him once more. "Let's just go to bed, worry about it in the morning…"

"Alright" Brendan agreed, scooping him out of the bathtub.

They dried off, Brendan giving Ste a clean t-shirt to sleep in as well as his boxers. Brendan tended to sleep naked and tonight was no exception. They lay in the darkness, their faces pressed together, their breaths hushed.

"What happens next?" Ste whispered.

"I don't know" Brendan admitted. "That's down to you, isn't it?"

Ste nodded, finding Brendan's hand beneath the covers. "I don't want to leave"

"And I don't want ye to" Brendan pushed his forehead against Ste's and Ste could have sworn he felt his body shake with the beginnings of emotion.

"Bren…" Ste wrapped his arms around him, holding him against his chest.

"I'm not gonna force ye to be with me, Stephen. It's yer choice. And I won't guilt trip ye into deciding but… I just need ye, now"

"I know" Ste held him tighter. "I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

Brendan nodded against him. "In fact, I need ye all the time, not that I'd say so"

Ste laughed a little, kissing the top of his head. "You big softie"

"Hardly"

"It doesn't matter" Ste said soothingly, except it did, just not tonight.

"I love ye" Brendan said, his voice low, guttural.

"I love you" Ste replied, like a reflex. He hadn't realised how true that still was. It never really went away, did it? Not with Brendan.

Brendan settled against him, not releasing his hold. It didn't take long for Ste to feel him relax in his arms, asleep. Ste planted a gentle kiss to his forehead and drifted off to sleep himself.


End file.
